orange to blue

not really worthy of putting in the cast tab…but hilarious nonetheless to at least post. and since we haven’t posted in ages considering i have no life and you have met an amazing guy there is not too much complaining going on.

anywho new cast members/current distractions:

hot shorts boy – cannot believe that i fell for him in this sort of costume. although, am quite pleased that my trekkie uniform was irresistible.   apparently everyone flirts with everyone in my crazy department. ok, fine. probably nothing to be seen there. too bad though. I am quite mad at myself for this one. on the plus side: i look really toned because it made me go to the gym everyday this week to get out my fustrations.

cute sweater clarinet player – the only, and i mean ONLY redeeming grace of science band. which makes me sad considering it is science band, where else could i find myself having more fun?! well, that is what I had anticipated, but I probably had too high hopes for the activity and of course, I am disappointed. so, this one took/is taking a little bit to get going, and still am working on it. but eh, i need something to get me through the boredom and the thoughts of what i should be doing instead.

i need to start finding some interest in my work…

“…but as smart as a lobster in a lab test.”

a direct quote from a note that i got from one of the kids on the trip. awesome.

it made me laugh so hard, and then i had to go about to figure out who it was, but it wasn’t too hard. i could narrow it down to two possibilities. these kids are goofy.

so this post is about the awesome mission that i just got back from. for 10 days i thought of nothing about the frustrations about my chemistry and worked along side high school students building a retaining wall and thinking about God and discussing how they saw him working in their lives. we met up with a group long the west coast and i had many conversations involving the familiarities of my favorite place on earth: ptown. and we also had a bit of beach time after the work week. I’ll just bullet some of the highlights to remind myself of talking points.

most of the trip was spent me stressing out about the safety and health of the kids, and strangely enough after the fact/getting back, i realized that i had very much enjoyed the trip. i was pretty distant from the kids, wanting to be more of an adult figure, but a few warmed up to me, and i allowed them get to know me.

a very energetic group of kids. they all seem to love to laugh. a lot. and it was very amazing to watch. i can’t remember being as happy as they were when i was in hs. it got me thinking how i never really had this close of friends in hs, but in college, definitely. I miss you Blue!!

had the most amazing coffee. managed though to not bring any back. that makes me sad. i had two cups for 10 days. one in the morning and one at 3 pm after getting back from the work site. 9 to 3 work days=awesome. after work, showered, then coffee and quiet/no kid time.

everyday at 3 it would start to drizzle/get gloomy and cloudy then torrential downpour in the evenings during worship. but the mornings were so beautiful, sunny and amazing. my only regret is that i had forgotten that i had planned to watch the sunrise the last morning and missed it.

i love rain.

the weekend was nice to get out to the beach. i miss sand. and there are parts of the ocean in which the water is warm!! you can go in and body surf! apparently, my pastor friend thinks he has a phd in body surfing. ha!

these are some amazing kids. i was most nervous about leading the bible study/small group every night. but after thinking about it, the end of the day in which the kids shared about their work day and what they did ended up being my favorite part of the day. they weren’t too big on the praying out loud and who is really, but we still tried to pray for each other, and sometimes we could even get every one to say something during popcorn prayer.

i don’t think the kids knew it, but they gave me a lot of the support i needed during the trip. i was pretty worried about how they’d take to me, and if i’d be a good leader on the trip. apparently i did ok. i was asked to come back on the next one, which i hope i can do, and right now, i’m thinking that i’d like to do it (the pastor told me that i didn’t have to answer right away and i could ponder it), but i do want to go again. and maybe work on getting to know the kids more, and not be so afraid to get close to them. one of my friends is pretty close to the kids and it was amazing to watch how they looked up to him.

also for the weekend we did a zip-line. that was awesome. haha, the girls that i was with were so cute. they prayed just before it! they were also fearless (so it seemed) during it, going upside down and with no hands and such. it was beautiful to be flying over the canopy of the trees.

its true, as the head leader said, i can tell from all of the pictures that are already posted, the kids really do have a completely different experience can we do as the adult leaders. their pictures are evidence to friendships that were made through practicing their spanish and relating to the kids on the trip in ways that i cannot because i am not their peers. I miss getting opportunities like to that forge friendships. but then also, it might be also at this point in my life in that i have moved around so much to have lost a few of my favorite that i do not want to invest in all of that energy only to, in a few years, leave them again. i could have became pretty close to a few of the other leaders on the trip, but i guess i consciously chose not to. trips normally do that to people. there is some force that easily bonds people faster and closer than when in a normal everyday setting. that is something to work on for next time.

i also am not sure i can handle teenagers. there were a few moments in which i was not sure what to do when the kids would not listen. i’m a goodie-two-shoes and always have been, so when other kids are not obedient, i am confused as to why one would not be. that was my most difficult job, to stay one step ahead of them to stop them from doing something that they knew they were not allowed to do.

the ocean also might have given me an ear infection in my left ear. it hurts like when i was little doing a lot of swimming and getting ear infections then having to take yummy strawberry antibiotics. i should ask for those if i do end up having an ear infection. sigh, now for the hassle of scheduling an apt.

going to go all philosophical on an interesting observation i made during lent in which i gave up texting. the whole point was to cultivate real relationships/friendships, the force me to actually go out and talk to people rather than just send a text, and it help me think about the importance of the message i was sending, was it really necessary? then i’d have to call. well. as it turns out, it was good along the lines of being like the email googles that one can have gmail set up, but it was also bad in that it did not help me cultivate relationships and in a way actually hindered them.

here is why: people who saw that i called, i felt like at least, debated calling back. Although they could text me, i am thinking that maybe they did not want to call me back, or text back to only have me call. that happened towards the start. then eventually, i just decided to refrain from hassling people and stay at home and watch tv. i believe that i had spent more Fri nights at home during lent than before lent. so i failed at my new years resolution.

so interestingly, my ploy to get myslef to be more social, also seemed to force those with whom i was socializing/interacting to also get out of their comfort zone and be more social as well, in which they rather, chose to decline.

in conclusion, its necessary to carry out the lenten season along side someone because they not only help with the temptation, but also as someone to be out of the loop with.

from twitter:
frugaltraveller: “Very Portland”? What does that mean? Seriously, I’m curious about what that idea means to people here. So, please tell!
gmpdx: Hard to describe- Not overly ambitious. A bit self conscious, but not painfully so. Honest, artisan, earnest and tasteful.

maybe why i love the town so much. and miss it so much. somewhat fits me.

these are most likely petty, but it is a rant. I just need to get them out to feel better.

mean people suck

just because i don’t have a hand drawn picture of yo-yo ma does not mean i am not as much of a fan. my artistic abilities are in playing horn and synthetic chemistry. one day lady, you are going to want my mad synthetic skills to save your life. i hope yo-yo is a nicer person than you are and will in fact send me back the poster signed. that is if you give it to him. well, let see if i’ll give you the drug you may need one day? …

karma’s a b*

jk.

again, just a rant. basically i just wanted to share that i TOOO have artistic abilities although they are on the angstrom scale. I MAKE MOLECULES DAMN IT!

which, makes me awesome, so stupid boys that talk to me at concerts and make me think that maybe i’ll have a new friend? you suck also. also in the mean category.

now going to concerts are weird. i mean, i never used to talk to the people around me when I went alone. but i now will definitely not talk to anyone.

speaking of concerts, people need to be taught concert going ettiqute: flatulence ruins the concert for everyone around you. it is sufficating, and it makes me want to puke. every concert this week i sat near a person that farted and IT SMELLED SO BAD! eat healthier! i mean, i’m ok generally with farting, when i can move farther from you! but NOT AT A CONCERT! come on, it was ny phil, and yo-yo ma…

i think i’m losing faith in people. i hate when i go on rants. i mean, i think farting is funny, but it is timing and venue. what is so hard about being nice and not making assumptions? how am not as much of a fan if i am too waiting out in the cold for yo-yo to come out to meet him?

i need to get out of the midwest.

****EDIT: 03.20.09****

yo yo ma’s autograph was sent to me! it is so cool, i have no idea what it reads, i wish i had the chance to meet him. someday maybe. ok, mean bouncer lady at the door who thought i was not a fan, you are forgiven.

though, still need to get out of the midwest. and also need to meet some cool people in which their evenings start after 9 pm. but who prefer a beer and a movie over the bar drinking their hearts out.

so i don’t think that i am being impatient because every single time he contacts me he sounds really excited to see me. maybe he should stop using smilies and exclamation points. that is annoying. if he isn’t really excited to see me (which if he was, we would have already hung out, no?) don’t get me all excited to see you. at least spud didn’t do that. not on purpose at least. although, am i making excuses for spud? well, we had 12 pack on much higher standards anyways. and as we should. but maybe that was a bad idea. sigh. maybe it is time to give all only get a unit cell worth of expectations.

*******

Edit: 12.30.08
just read the post that I wrote just before leaving. wow can things change in a short 20 days or so. well, tomorrow will be my last day in town. so i shall offer a bit of my sandwich and see if he’d like a bite.

due to the errie familiarity of my inability to handle such social sitiuations, i thought i’d link to some pretty amazing vintage posts.

********

Edit: 08.22.09

last weekend went down the chitown for my celebratory weekend off and got to hang out with 12 pack. and just before i left i asked if he was dating a chick that i had met when i last visited a year ago, and he said that he was. best response ever. “whoa, that was passive” cuz i just blatantly asked. well, i wanted to know! and i totally called it. so i think that he was interested in her all throughout this winter break time in which i wrote this post (she is also from our hometown, but not same hs). so, it is cute. i like her. and good for him. but still stupid. i was stupid. and i fell for a stupid guy. typical me. i haven’t written yet in O/B about my latest endeavor, but i’ll write about it some other time. nonetheless, had the most excellent time in Chicago. wish that you, Blue, had come with me, but we will visit there together soon enough. ps: you are going to have to stop me from getting shoes from Nordstroms when we are there. It is a good thing that AA has no Nordstroms.

recently I have been realizing how excited I am to go home in a couple of weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I am normally excited to see my parents of course, but this trip home is especially intriguing in that I might get the chance to see where 12-pack and I could go. (well, at least the chance to hang out more?) But, I don’t want to get my hopes up too much. Because I am not even sure where I want this to go…(he seemingly seems like the same person he was?…see below***)

He knows so much about who I was and I want to convince myself that he knows nothing about who I am now. Here is what I mean by “convincing myself” that I am someone different than I was. Because in reality, I am the same dorky person I was in hs, it is just that now and through college I found the company in which my dorkyness was acceptable and nurtured. *of course I grew up in my opinions and worldly knowledge etc.*

It is a strange struggle. To want someone I used to know to see me as a changed person, but in reality, I haven’t changed at all and I am ok with that, but he might not accept it?…I know that I am older and such, but it is still hard to shake the feeling of wanting someone you used to know to think that you are cool now although you weren’t when they knew you.

****but maybe he is thinking the same as me…?

——-

*EDIT: 12/12/08

Apparently my hero, Peter Segal, was thinking the same as me above. In one of his most recent posts on his blog he pretty much pondered the same thing, having just attended his 25th high school reunion… and basically supported my conclusion: that we don’t change. but, that is ok.