one prairie outpost you are how i feel
November 19, 2011 at 6:24 am | Posted in blue | 1 CommentI know what you mean. I don’t think that it’s a bad thing necessarily that you talk to spud – I have to take a step back and realize that my problems with him started SEVEN YEARS ago, and we’ve all done a lot of growing up since then. Old, good friends who know you inside and out are hard to find, and hard to walk away from.
but, that being said, you should totally add me to your list of people to text random things to about your day. though that is difficult, since I can’t really be on my phone until 2 pm my time (which is 5 pm your time, most of the day gone). but after that I’m very good at texting!
My random thought: sometimes, guys just suck. There’s a teacher in my hall who I hung out with all the time last year (just during work: like sitting together at meetings, going out to lunch occasionally, etc.). First, he tells me how grateful he is for our friendship and how he feels soooo connected to me. Then, he tells me he’s having problems with his marriage. Then he wants to sleep with me. I turn him down. And now he’s barely civil to me (except to tell me his marriage is better than ever). wtf, dude. I thought he was a normal, cool guy. But really, he just sucks. Now I entertain myself by being friendlier than ever to him and watching him get all annoyed. haaaaaa.
(despite the fact that men suck, there is something curiously satisfying about deciding that hey, you’re a douchecanoe, it isn’t my fault, there’s nothing I can do about it, so I’m just gonna carry on.)
(I really hate the word douche. I really love the word douchecanoe. How’s that for random?)
Please move here. Or, let’s move to the city of rain together. Being friends with boys is hard and annoying, and I blame my current lack of female friends for why I even keep trying.
Ketchup and French Fries
November 15, 2011 at 6:46 pm | Posted in orange | Leave a commentI know! I’ve been meaning to write. I miss you and getting to tell you random things, like how things went with spud. I keep thinking it is like a virus and every time I build up an immunity. but then again, he is also the person I fall back to, i try not to, but there is just not too many other people that are single and have the random hours and of whom I have so much history with that would not require significant catch up. Know what I mean?
Well, I should start at more of a beginning. Yes, I’ve been meaning to write on this, it’s good to log my thoughts, but I’m eternally logged into an alternative “academic” account to work on my writing skills that I was just too lazy to log out and log back in as an alternative avatar. sometimes, it doesn’t take a very high activation energy to get me to not do something. thus also why I have so many job apps and yet not very many done. *actually I should be working on one now. sigh, but a quick post is needed now that I have discovered incognito.
I know I have written this before, but I seem to meet boys when I am in a new place. Which makes sense, maybe I am much more social when I am on a trip, but then these “flings” don’t go anywhere. I go home. flirt a bit virtually. but then I think to myself, ok? what does that mean? I try to cut it off, but then he’ll just come right back to talking to me. Part of me thinks that this is ok because there is a significant amount of uncertainty in my near future and so why get myself into a mess of a relationship.
On the other hand I am getting OLDER!
I am about to finish with a degree I have no idea if it will be useful, but at the same time in my head: I have to have it. I have learned a lot, but at the same time I feel I have not learned enough. I have discovered how much more I do not know. which drives me a bit crazy.
So I agree with the job market thing. I miss dearly the rain. I think I miss that coast in general.
oh! a bit off topic. and so when I do not feel like talking to my virtual far away person. I end up talking to spud. when I know better not to. I fear that I am leading him on, but then again, he should know that it is just cuz we have so much history. I try to make that clear. but then sometimes the conversation goes to if things were different and I don’t know what to say or how to return the convo to be: “well, things are not different”. And in a way, I am glad that things are the way they are. But also going back to the I’M GETTING OLDER issue.
maybe I’d be more settled. Less worried about what am I going to do? when I go do that thing, will there be someone willing to deal with my crazy? i mean, i did just spend 5 yrs of my life stressed and huffing cancer? but I make excellent chocolate cupcakes. i’ll put that out there.
alright, post getting a bit long. but just a spew of thoughts. not quite a catch up. thus just ketchup and some fried potatoes.
The Cast
orange: future star Starbucks barista. with a Phd in Chemistry. boom shaka laka.
blue: My identity was a struggle. My other half has an orange notebook AND orange flip flops, but my flip flops are bright green. I chose blue for its history, though - fall 2006 traveled between salem and sweden wrapped in blue cardboard from powell's. Currently Teaching for America in an attempt to part the clouds of adolescent angst long enough to impart my infinite algebra-related wisdom.
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